I feel like most people in relationships want the same things from their partner. It isn’t a secret, and it’s not rocket science.
We want to feel important. We want to be put first in damn near every situation. We want to know that you think of us when making an important decision. We want to know that you think of us when you are just out and about and see something that reminds you of us in some way. So you pick it up to bring it to us, or snap a picture to send us, or even just tell us about it later.
We want to feel appreciated. We want to know that you are grateful for all that we do. We want you to tell us how nice the house looks after we’ve spent all day cleaning. We want you to say “Thank you” when we do all the laundry and/or dishes. We want you to tell us how lucky you are to have us. (The picture below should say “Real men/women” because women should be held to the same standard)
We want you to show us affection. We want you to make us feel desirable. We want you to hold our hand and give us passionate kisses. We want you to grab our butt, and whisper in our ear. We want you to kiss our neck or any other part of our body.
We want you to make it known how deeply you care for us. We want to know that you care about our feelings. We want to know that you care about our dreams and goals. We want to know that you care about the redundant things that happened in our day, even though it’s boring and most likely pretty similar to the day before. We want to know that when we are down (I mean in our lowest of lows) you will be there to hold us, and comfort us, and just let us cry on your shoulder.
We want you to be protective of us. We want you to always be concerned for our safety, of course. But we also want you to be protective of us in a more animalistic way. We want to feel as though we belong to you and you alone. Obviously we both know that, but we want you to get a little jealous. Not in a way that you think we’d actually ever leave you. Just in a way that shows your dominance. I guess you could call it territorial instead of jealousy. If another man walks in the room, we want you to hold us closer. We want you to be proud to have us and always be leery because you think we’re such a catch that you know other men would think so as well.
Lastly, we want you to be our best friend. This means more than just being comfortable around each other. It’s easy to grow comfortable around someone. The trick is to always feel like you never want to let that person down. We want you to always have our back, but we also want you to tell us what we need to hear. Sometimes it might not be what we want to hear, but we appreciate the honesty. We want you to respect us like a best friend. Jokes are inevitable, and in my opinion, they are necessary. There is a line, however, between joking and truly insulting a person. We want you to know where that line is, and never cross it. We want to have the most fun when we are with you, but we know that our feelings and dignity are safe with you.
I don’t think all of these qualities need to be overdone. Most of them are just feelings, rather than actions. But just the slightest bit of these actions here and there means an awful lot. So in a nutshell, that is what I think most of us are looking for in a partner. Not just what we’re looking for, but what we deserve. I think everyone deserves to be treated this way from the person they choose to spend their life with.
But do we really?
I mean, that’s what we all want, but is that what we all provide as well?
I’m no good.
I can be selfish. I don’t always care to think about my partner in a situation if I’ve come to a conclusion of what I want. When my mind is set, it’s pretty damn hard to change it.
I don’t show appreciation as much as I’d like to receive it. I admit that I can be petty. If I’ve done a lot and gotten no thank you’s, I’m less likely to give one when my partner does something. I do appreciate it. It truly is just pettiness and stubbornness.
I want to be shown affection and be made to feel desirable, but do I give this to my partner? Unfortunately, not so much. I just want this from him so much, that I wait and wait and wait until I receive it. I rarely make the first effort to be close. I want to be irresistible to him, but I don’t understand why he isn’t just always jumping my bones. Well, I don’t make him feel irresistible. I don’t pull him in for a passionate kiss. I don’t flirt much. I don’t do the very thing that I want. Why? Again with the selfishness. I want to be made to feel this way first.
Do I make it known to him how much I care. Do I ask him about his day? Do I ask him about his dreams or his goals? Do I make sure he knows that I support him in everything? Does he know that I believe in him? Does he know I’ll always be there for him if things don’t go as planned? If we struggle through things. If he is feeling low… This one is probably the one I am the best at, but I still don’t think I’m giving 100%. I let him talk about these aspects of his life, because when he does, he has an excitement that is contagious. I get happy seeing him this determined. He has such a positive outlook on the future, and I love that about him. But I don’t ever ask about it, and sometimes I cut him short because yes, I’ve heard it all before. That is not right of me. Regardless if he has shared the same dream, the same routine of events at his job, or the same passion he has for what he does, he is still sharing it with me. I need to be more patient and accepting to listen. To be happy right along with him rather than getting annoyed after a few minutes.
Am I protective of him? Do I make him feel as though I don’t want anyone else to have him because I know what a great catch he is? Being jealous is something that most women know about. It varies in amounts, so don’t automatically assume all jealous women are psychotic in their jealousy. If my man gets a message from someone, I immediately ask who it is and what they said. I know that he would never cheat on me, but I think my own insecurities make me feel less than worthy. I worry that he sees them too and knows he can do better. That’s where the jealousy comes from. Not because I truly think he is the kind of man that would betray me, but because I recognize my flaws and want to make sure he hasn’t decided to jump ship.
Am I a genuine best friend to him? Does he know that I’ll always have his back? Does he know that I never want to let him down? I want him to know the line between jokes and insulting, but do I cross that very same line? Do I say or do things that might be disrespectful? Do I make him feel as though his feelings are safe with me? Or do I put my own feelings above his at times and even belittle his in an attempt to make mine more important to him as well? I am guilty of all of that.
The fact is, we all want all of those qualities from the person we choose to spend our lives with, but most of us are guilty of not providing the same in return.
It’s hard to “be the bigger person”, but I think maturity and happiness will flourish from just that. It’s difficult to suppress your own ego to diffuse a situation, but sometimes that needs to be done. Nobody is perfect, but as long as both people are willing to be the bigger person at times, chances are, a mutual respect will arise. One person can’t be doing all of the biting of their tongue, but it is necessary. Sometimes you need to just face it and realize that if you both want the same outcome, you may have to make the first move.
If we can actually stop and think about the term “partner” and its very definition… A player on the same side or team as another… This is one of the many definitions, but think about it. We are two people supposed to be on the same team. Let that thought resonate for a minute.
Personal growth is important for a relationship. If you are not willing to admit fault, realize your mistakes, and own up to areas in which you can improve, the relationship will fail to thrive. Leaving you with only 2 options: 1)Stay in it knowing you will both be lacking a rich and fulfilling love or 2)Leave and go through the same cycle with someone else… If you can’t grow internally, there’s no person out there that will be a perfect match for you or have the desired fulfillment you are seeking.
Now I’m not saying you should work through things with everyone. Some people won’t be right for you. Some people won’t care about growing with you. These people you can’t stay with. They will bring you down and make you feel less than worthy of what you truly deserve.
Right now, I’m no good.
I’m trying everyday to do one thing that’s out of my comfort zone to prove to myself, and my man, that I am worthy. That I am capable of change and growth.
My heart is big, I love fully, and I always want what’s best for everyone. But those qualities alone don’t mean I deserve all of the qualities in someone else that we all want. Even people with the biggest hearts can improve. I’m definitely a work in progress, but I’m glad to have found another work in progress who sees the good when there is so much wrong in me. Someone who is doing his best, and someone who deserves the best. Travis Eugene White, I love you. I’m lucky to have found you. And I’m lucky to know that you will be by my side through whatever comes our way.